I just had a miscarriage last week after ttc again for 16 months, a surgery and 8 months of fertility treatments. It brings all my grief over losing Abby to the surface. And the stupid comments are flying already, most of them from family members. I just had to vent some of them out. I'm trying hard this time not to let people's words hurt me, but I can't help it. I guess that's what happens when you wear your feelings on your sleeve ...
"I am so sick of death ... your babies are dying and our business is dying" (what!?!?)
"Well at least you know you can get pregnant ..." (yeah, well I could have stayed pregnant, too!)
"Pain is pain ..." (a family member referring to the other one whose business is dying)
"Maybe Abby needed a brother or sister in Heaven?" (what!?!?)
"Well, when my Aunt lost her daughter ..." (you can tell where this one went)
"I'm tired, too. I had to get up at 5:30 this morning to exercise" (after I said I had been up since 4:30am the day of my miscarriage)
Those are just a few of the things that have been said to me in less than a week. I just wish people would learn that the ONLY thing to say is, "I'm so sorry. I hurt with you and I'm here for you." You would think after going through 19 months of grieving with us after losing Abby they would get it. I guess not.
On the other hand, many people HAVE said the right thing and I need to acknowledge that as well.
"I can't believe this is happening -- it is beyond words"
"I am so sad and sorry. I don't understand"
"I don't understand either, but who am I to know God's will?" (after someone else said, "It just wasn't God's will")
"I am hurting with you and loving you"
"There are no words to tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am"
"This is a thousand times worse than a thousand CD 1's"
"I am so angry for you ..."
And guess who said these? My ladies Bible study and friends from MISS and BabyCenter who have lost a child and are ttc again. I guess they have all learned something. I am so grateful that there are some people who know what to say. And I know that even those who said the wrong thing really do love me. They just don't know what to say. But that doesn't make it hurt less. I really wish they would just learn something from all of this.
Anyway, thank you for letting me vent! I really just needed to get that out.
