Easter & Hope

It was four months ago yesterday that our precious daughter, Abigail, went to Heaven. As Easter approaches, we have been remembering and missing her short, but precious life and the time we would be sharing with her right now. Many of our friends have asked us over the last four months, "What happened???" and we finally feel ready to share our story. It has taken a couple of months, but I have updated Abby's website and wanted to share it with you as we look forward to celebrating the resurrection of our Savior this Easter, knowing that it holds the promise of our seeing her again.

It has been very healing to me to write our story and to share our memories, and I would like to invite you to visit and light a candle in her memory ... even if you have done so before. It gives our family great joy to know that Abby is being remembered by those we love and who love us.

Thank you once again all for your love and support over the many weeks since Abby's death. The journey of grief is difficult, but our hearts are full of hope and of promise, knowing that we will see and hold her again ... someday.

Abigail's Web Site is: www.abigail-werner.memory-of.com

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." ~ Revelation 21:4

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies." ~ John 11:25

"Where, O death, is your sting? Where, O grave, your victory?" ~ 1 Corinthians 15:55

Glory Baby

I just heard this song by Watermark this week and it absolutely melted my heart ... I thought I would share it with you. She would be three months old now if she were still here ... but someday we will hold her again ... we will hold her ... we will hold her ...

Glory Baby

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we're home with you…
Until we're home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You'll kiss our tears away
When we're home to stay
Can't wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you

But baby let sweet Jesus hold you'till mom and dad can hold you…
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it's hard to understand it
'cause we're hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we're stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

I can't imagine heaven's lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know…
all you'll ever know…

Three Months

It has been three months and three days since I held Abby in my arms for the first and last time. I almost don't have words for how I feel. I am numb and in a haze. I can barely remember her now. I have been dreaming more and more about that day and all of the events surrounding her death. I can't get them out of my mind, but I somehow can't remember seeing her face for the first time or how it felt to hold her in my arms. I want to remember and I want to forget. How I wish I could have heard her cry or felt her warm skin against mine. Or just to hear her breathe. The words are almost as hard to get out as the tears. Time is moving so fast and yet so slow. And so much has changed already. I want everything to stay the same. I want to go back to that cold November day and feel the joy of her kicking and the anticipation of her birth. I want Benjamin to hug my tummy and for her to actually still be there hugging him back. I want to erase the pain of death from his memory and bring him the joy of being the big brother again. I keep reliving the moment when we arrived at the hospital thinking we were going to bring home our baby girl and instead finding out that she was gone. "I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat" keeps ringing in my mind. I believe and trust God, but I feel so empty without my baby girl. Our family is incomplete without her. I miss her so much. I can picture her in our house and what joy she would bring. Instead there is emptiness in her place. My arms are empty, my heart is broken. Benjamin is not a big brother. We have to go on as we were before, but nothing is the same. We were happy before, why can't we just return to that same happiness? Too much has changed. We will never be the same.