Does It Ever Go Away?

Ladies, those of you who have gone on to have a sub-baby (or adopted), do you still have that longing when you go to the playground, children's museum, soccer games, etc. where there are "normal" families and wish you had what they have? Does it ever go away? Will having Hope (the baby girl we are adopting from Russia) really make me feel better or at least help make it hurt less? I am longing to hold my sub baby in my arms and whenever I go anywhere that includes families of small children, my heart is all over the place. One minute, it's joy knowing that Hope will be here soon! The next it's envy and pain, wishing Abby were here so I could be like "them" and not live with these thoughts, wanting to be "normal" and wanting to hold my little girl. Will I ever feel normal again? It's not the same as the gut wrenching pain of loss that we experienced in the early days, months and weeks of grief. I just hate how I feel when I'm around families who have never had to struggle to have what they take for granted. And we're working so hard and have had to wait so long for it happen! I think Jeannie's post about what to do when you don't get your rainbow has stirred me up. That and all of the delays and threats by the Russian government to suspend international adoptions. I'm just wondering if I will always look at these other families and not have all these thoughts about what our life "should" be? Or if when Hope gets home, things will change?

MISSing Abby and waiting for Hope!

Why Does This Bother Me So Much?

With the whole Russian adoption in the balance this week, I have been inundated with platitudes from well meaning people. The one that bugs me the most is, "God is in control." I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it just drives me absolutely nuts when I hear it! I feel like it's an excuse for people not to care. Caring for people takes time. Most people really don't want to take time to care, so them come up with a platitude to make themselves better. They think they are encouraging the other person, but really it is insulting. At least it is to me. I have been a Christian for years (my husband is a pastor) and I know God is in control. I don't need people telling me that. What I need is people to say, "I'm sorry this is so hard. I am here for you. I care about this. I'm praying that it will all work out. Is there something I can do to help?" Or just ask how I am feeling and let me talk about it. When someone says "God's in control" in response to my concerns, I feel like screaming! That is what I was told when I thought I was miscarrying in 2008. And I then I did. I needed comfort and instead I got shut down. When people say that, it feels like they don't really want to listen or know how I am feeling. They just want to get out of the conversation as quickly as they can. Does or has anyone else felt this way? Maybe it's because I'm going through this adoption for my sub-baby. I'm sure anyone who has gone through a sub-pregnancy has felt this way. I don't want people telling me it is all going to be okay. They don't know that it is going to be okay. Only God knows that. It just feels like an easy way for people not to really have to care.

I really don't understand why I am so frustrated about this, but I needed to vent, so thanks for listening!