Feeling Left Behind

I don't know why, but this cycle has been so much harder than the rest. I guess it's b/c we are only going to do 2 more IUI's then stop. It feels so final. And I hate that we are going through this at all. I can't imagine why God won't bless us again. I can't imagine not having another living child. I can't really put into words what I'm feeling, but I feel so ... left behind. So many people who started this journey with me have gone on to have their "rainbow" babies and here I am still trying and trying and trying to get pg again. It brings me joy to know they have a little one to fill their arms, but I feel so empty sometimes knowing that I might not have another one. And my little boy is getting so big. I am just feeling sad. Sad at what we lost and sad at what we might not have again. And sad that all of the wonderful friends I've made along this journey no longer have ttc in common with me. They are in baby world now, with the pain and struggle of ttc long behind them. I admit -- I'm jealous. But not in a mean-spirited way. I am truly happy for them! I just wish I had the comradery of bringing my sub-baby into the world and having that joy restored and being able to enjoy my baby with the friends along the way who have had theirs. Longing, wishing, waiting, hoping and praying this part of the journey will end soon ...

Stupid Comments, Stupid People (just venting)

Today is CD 1 after 6 failed IUI attempts and 15 months of trying to conceive after my daughter died in November, 2006. It took 6 years to conceive our son after being told we'd never have children. Now we're back in the infertility game and down to two more tries until we can no longer afford to do it.

Anyway, I sent a prayer request to my women's Bible study and posted on my TTC board on BabyCenter that AF arrived this morning and I am so annoyed by stupid comments. Why can't people just say, "I'm sorry!" and shut up? First of all, I asked for prayer and all I got was advice. If I wanted advice, I would have made an "advice request" kwim? One lady wrote back and went on and on about a friend who, back in the 1980's, took one type of injection for a few months then another and then finally got pg and never had a problem again. That's nice, but when I finally got pg on my own, my baby died and now I can't get pg again. Her little story wasn't helpful. All she needed to say was, "I'll praying for you!" That's why they call it a "prayer request!" Duh!

Another woman, on my BabyCenter board, who, by the way, has never lost a child, replied "I'm really sorry you are disappointed but God has a plan. He always does, if only we could have patience." Duh again! Tell me something I don't already know. I am a believer and I know God has a plan, but a simple, "I'm sorry!" would have sufficed. What a dumb thing to say. And, frankly, I think I've had a LOT of patience!! I haven't been real happy with God's "plan" but I haven't lost my faith either. I am trying to be patient and trust Him, but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to have a bad day. Sheesh!

I'm sorry, but I'm just so annoyed with people right now. I remember how hard it was the first time we went through this. People just don't get it and say stupid things. If they can't say something sympathetic or helpful, they need to learn to just button their lips.

Sorry for the negative rant. Just needed to get it out ...