Feeling Left Behind

I don't know why, but this cycle has been so much harder than the rest. I guess it's b/c we are only going to do 2 more IUI's then stop. It feels so final. And I hate that we are going through this at all. I can't imagine why God won't bless us again. I can't imagine not having another living child. I can't really put into words what I'm feeling, but I feel so ... left behind. So many people who started this journey with me have gone on to have their "rainbow" babies and here I am still trying and trying and trying to get pg again. It brings me joy to know they have a little one to fill their arms, but I feel so empty sometimes knowing that I might not have another one. And my little boy is getting so big. I am just feeling sad. Sad at what we lost and sad at what we might not have again. And sad that all of the wonderful friends I've made along this journey no longer have ttc in common with me. They are in baby world now, with the pain and struggle of ttc long behind them. I admit -- I'm jealous. But not in a mean-spirited way. I am truly happy for them! I just wish I had the comradery of bringing my sub-baby into the world and having that joy restored and being able to enjoy my baby with the friends along the way who have had theirs. Longing, wishing, waiting, hoping and praying this part of the journey will end soon ...