Missing the way it was ...

I am just missing the way my life was before this journey started. I miss the friends I've lost. Not who they are now, but who they were before my life was turned upside down. I miss the casual conversations and lighthearted days we used to spend together. I miss being able to talk about unimportant things without thinking they were stupid, unimportant things. I miss myself, the me that existed before I became the mother of a child who died. The one who was just happy with what I had and didn't need anything more. The one who didn't have to struggle so hard to connect with the rest of the world. I miss being a normal person with normal problems. I miss having best friends who understand everything about me and accept me just the way I am. I miss the simplicity of my life, the sheer joy of just being a mom and a wife. I miss the freedom from this heavy weight on my shoulders, this cross I have to bear and the way that it affects every part of who I am. I just miss my life the way it was before all this happened to me.