My hcg numbers came back low on Friday and I began to miscarry on Monday night. Monday afternoon I had a "feeling" something was wrong. Late Monday night I began spotting and at about 4am Tuesday, I began having a full flow. I've been bleeding and cramping ever since.
My heart hurts most for my 4yo son, Benjamin. He just asked me during lunch on Tuesday (I was already miscarrying) "Mommy, can we put the baby swing back up for the baby when it comes?" Last night we talked with him about it and asked how he felt. He said he was mad, "you know like hitting" and later asked, "Am I a big brother?" It really broke my heart. I think I am almost more sad for him than I am for me. It took some time for him to process the news about Abby, but of course he was much younger then. This time he seems to understand, but I think it will still take some time for him to process.
Anyway, thanks for all of your congratulations and warm wishes when I announced my BFP last week. We are very sad and disappointed that this one won't be coming home after so many months of treatments. It obviously wasn't part of God's plan, but we are still trusting God.
