Last fall, when I was 7 months pregnant, I planted over 100 tulip bulbs in my garden so that I would have flowers in the spring without having to plant them! I knew I would be busy with my new baby and would not have as much time to make my yard beautiful. The weather has been beautiful and the flowers have been springing up all over; a bittersweet reminder of the baby that is not here, but was with me when they were planted. A week ago at church I felt an urging to visit Abby's grave. I had been missing her so much as spring has been in bloom. And when I was there, I was reminded of the flowers we had planted together in the fall. Inspired by their beauty, I raced home and collected several of them and returned to the cemetery to plant them on her still unmarked grave so that there would be a piece of "us" in both places that could "spring" up every year ...
However, we have had a dramatic turn in the weather. Just last Wednesday it was 80 degrees and today the high is in the 30s and it has been snowing. I woke up this morning and all of the flowers in my garden are DEAD!! It is cold and ugly just like November all over again and it was like a slap in the face to enjoy their beauty then helplessly watch them die. It's a visual analogy I can barely stand. The flowers sprang up to life and then died before they could ever fully bloom, just like Abby. Many of them were still just buds. I was heartbroken to see them all flopped over on the ground. I can't even go outside without being reminded that the coldness killed them, just like the coldness of November when Abby died before she had the chance to live ... she is dead and now so are her flowers.
