Putting the crib back up ... sigh ...

We put the crib back up today. It wasn't the way I had expected. We did not put it back up to begin the process of preparing to bring HOPE home and redecorating the room. Instead, we put it back up, just as it looked when we were expecting Abby so that it would present well when we start showing our home. I was filled with mixed emotions today and trying so hard to surpress them. As I walked around the house looking at what we had done, I wondered what prospective buyers would think as they walked through. Would they think she was alive and this was her room? Would they look around and wonder why there aren't any toys or signs of a baby in the house? Would they put it together when they see the memorials around the house and figure out that she is dead? Would they even give it any thought at all??? We felt it was important to put the room back together and now I'm wondering if that was such a good decision. It does make it look better with the crib than with the daybed, which took up half the room. The crib makes the room look bigger. And it is prettier. But it stirs so many emotions for me. I am sad that this will not be the house that Hope comes home to from Russia. I am sad that I will never get the joy of redecorating that room and making it a place for life instead of a memory of death. I am sad that neither Abby or Hope will ever live or grow up in this house. I guess I'll just keep the door closed and try not to think about it ...