Mother-in-law blues

My mother-in-law and I started having problems around my miscarriage last year. During my grief after Abby died, she was wonderful. But it changed dramatically after my miscarriage and I don't understand why. I called her for prayer when I thought I was losing the baby and instead of praying for me, she mocked me saying, "you are fine, the baby is fine, everything is fine" in song the proceeded to tell me that she had just prayed with a friend who said that I was going to lose the baby due to fear. As if somehow my fear had the power to kill my unborn child? The next day I began to miscarry the baby. There were so many painful comments over my miscarriage, that I completely withdrew from everyone in my life except my husband, son and neighbor, Jennifer, who was completely supportive and caring. I knew I needed to be away when the barrage of comments began including those made by my sister-in-law, "maybe it was God's way of showing you that you can have another baby" and "I'm tired of death -- our business is dying and your babies are dying." It seemed the only way to protect myself was to stay away from everyone. About 4 weeks later, I was finally ready to see them for the first time and began the process of letting people back into my life. The first time I saw MIL and SIL was at SIL's birthday party (which was also a celebration of her dad, daughter and son's birthdays). It was peaceful and I felt I had made peace in my heart towards them, but just as I was beginning to feel comfortable, my old fried Nicole started up the driveway and it all fell apart. MIL and SIL had been totally supportive of my decision to stay out of this relationship even to the point of telling me they would choose me over her (which I didn't expect). Yet here she was pulling up the driveway!? I lost it and yelled at both MIL and SIL then darted through the woods and down the hill in tears. I called Chad on the phone and told him what happened. He came and picked me up down the street and we went to meet with our pastor. After praying and talking w/him, we decided not to let the sun go down on our anger and went back to MIL to follow the Matthew 18 model of confronting the individual. Instead of receiving us, she mocked me further, throwing herself at my feet and asking if her blood would be enough to satisfy me. She told me that she was sick of walking on eggshells and that everyone around us was uncomfortable. Wow. Am I not worth walking on eggshells in my grief? What about how uncomfortable I was? What about my pain? Wasn't I, after all, the one suffering? It wasn't until I began sobbing that she broke down and hugged me. No apology. No reconciliation. Just her pity wrapping me up in her arms. That was over a year ago and our relationship has never been the same. Later that year, she told us that she was going to apply for a position to work at the same place where Chad worked. Chad was dead-set against it, as the people there had become his refuge and safe place and he did not want her there. It created a huge fight between them and his mom said she was going to take the job whether he liked it or not. Then she backed down. We have spent the last year pursuing peace and excercising our "no" in the relationship in order to set healthy boundaries and heal from the whole ordeal. Then, this week, she communicated that she again wanted the position and was going to take it whether or not he/we liked it. She said that she loved God more than her children and nothing he said could change her mind. I am so sick of the "God said" trump card that she uses to get what she wants. Who can argue with that? It's the same thing she did when we confronted her after the Nicole incident. Instead of taking personal responsibility for herself, she told me that I had a spirit of offense (by the way, I have never seen that term anywhere in the Bible, so I'm not sure where she comes up with it). I talked to my counselor @ First Christian Assembly and she said the same thing -- "what is a spirit of offense?" She agreed it was a tactic to avoid responsibility. I guess the fact that she has accepted this position and is invading our lives again triggers all of these old feelings. Maybe they were never really gone. All I know is that I am so angry and I don't want to be. I want to let it go, but I don't know how when the people involved won't do their part. How do you forgive someone who won't admit they are wrong or say they are sorry for hurting you? God, help me forgive. Help me love. Help me move on ...