Goodbye Sweet Friend

We put our cat, Delilah, to sleep last night ending a six week battle against an unknown sickness. We had 10 great years together! I can't help but think this is exactly what she was thinking as we finally made the decision to let her go and end her suffering. This poem is in memory of Delilah ... we stayed with you until the end and will love you always, sweet friend. Samson will never be the same without you!!

If it should be, that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done
For this, the last battle, can't be won.

You will be sad, I understand.
Don't let your grief then stay your hand,
For this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship stand the test.

We've had so many happy years
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer, so,
When the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me to the end,
And hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you will see
It is a kindness you do to me
Although my tail its last has waved
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Don't grieve it should be you,
Who decides this thing to do,
We've been so close, we two, these years
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

Smile - for we walked together,
For a little while.

A Glimpse Of Grief

It will be 8 weeks tomorrow since Abby died. I received her death certificate in the mail this weekend. I guess that makes it final. This excerpt is from "Holding onto Hope," a book written by Nancy Guthrie about the loss of her baby daughter, Hope. This book has encouraged and helped me so much and her words express my feelings much better than I ever could ...

It is only natural that people around me often ask searchingly, "How are you?" And for much of the first year after Hope's death, my answer was, "I'm deeply and profoundly sad." I've been blessed with many people who have been willing to share my sorrow, to just be sad with me. Others, however, seem to want to rush me through my sadness. They want to fix me. But I lost someone I love dearly, and I'm sad.

Ours is not a culture that is comfortable with sadness. Sadness is awkward. It is unsettling. It ebbs and flows and takes on it's own shape. It beckons to be shared. It comes out in tears, and we don't quite know what to do with those.

So many people are afraid to bring up my loss. They don't want to upset me. But my tears are the only way I have to release the deep sorrow I feel. I tell people, "Don't worry about crying in front of me, and don't be afraid that you will make me cry! Your tears tell me that you care, and my tears tell you that you've touched me in a place that is meaningful to me--and I will never forget your willingness to share my grief."

In fact, those who shed their tears with me show me we are not alone. It often feels like we are carrying this enormous load of sorrow, and when others shed their tears with me, it is as if they are taking a bucketful of sadness and carrying it for me. It is, perhaps, the most meaningful thing anyone can do for me.

Our culture wants to put the Band-Aid of Heaven on the hurt of losing someone we love. Sometimes it seems like the people around us think that because we know the one we love is in Heaven, we shouldn't be sad. But they don't understand how far away Heaven feels, and how long the future seems as we see before us the years we have to spend on this earth before we see the one we love again.

Fortunately, we are not alone in our sadness. In Isaiah 53:3, the Bible describes God's Son as "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" (NKJV). And so it is in our sadness that we discover a new aspect of God's character and reach a new understanding of Him that we could not have known without loss. He is acquainted with grief. He understands. He is not trying to rush us through our sadness. He is sad with us.

Part of being human is that when you lose something or someone that is valuable to you, you agonize over that loss, and there is nothing wrong with that. Your tears do not reflect a lack of faith.

"And though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm!!!"

Beauty for Ashes

I've been meditating on a bunch of Scriptures this week that have brought me comfort (Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11, Revelations 21:4), but the one that has stood with me today is Isaiah 61:1-3. I know that God will turn our ashes into beauty and that He will use Abby's life and death to turn many hearts towards Him. I spent the last year doing Beth Moore's Bible studies and the first one was based on this Scripture. Please read this verse and the following song as both have brought great encouragement to me this week ...

ISA 61:1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

ISA 61:2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

ISA 61:3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion--
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

Salvador - Shine
From the album Dismiss the Mystery

I woke up to another day
Another day to celebrate
Your beauty and your mystery,
it's more than any eye can see
I'm not the man I was before
With You, my life is so much more
Break the chains and open doors
to a world I can't ignore

Lord let me shine,
shine like the moon
A reflection of you
in all that I do
Lord let me be
a light for your truth
Light of the world,
I wanna be used
to shine for you

As simple as a passing smile
Or listening a little while
To someone that's convinced that they
are in this all alone
Here's my chance to share the news
To introduce the good that's you
Here you go again,
you never cease to blow my mind

Lord let me shine,
shine like the moon
A reflection of you
in all that I do
Lord let me be
a light for your truth
Light of the world,
I wanna be used
to shine for you

You're the love that we all need
You lift us up to our feet
You hold the key to eternity
The King of Kings alive in me