It will be 8 weeks tomorrow since Abby died. I received her death certificate in the mail this weekend. I guess that makes it final. This excerpt is from "Holding onto Hope," a book written by Nancy Guthrie about the loss of her baby daughter, Hope. This book has encouraged and helped me so much and her words express my feelings much better than I ever could ...
It is only natural that people around me often ask searchingly, "How are you?" And for much of the first year after Hope's death, my answer was, "I'm deeply and profoundly sad." I've been blessed with many people who have been willing to share my sorrow, to just be sad with me. Others, however, seem to want to rush me through my sadness. They want to fix me. But I lost someone I love dearly, and I'm sad.
Ours is not a culture that is comfortable with sadness. Sadness is awkward. It is unsettling. It ebbs and flows and takes on it's own shape. It beckons to be shared. It comes out in tears, and we don't quite know what to do with those.
So many people are afraid to bring up my loss. They don't want to upset me. But my tears are the only way I have to release the deep sorrow I feel. I tell people, "Don't worry about crying in front of me, and don't be afraid that you will make me cry! Your tears tell me that you care, and my tears tell you that you've touched me in a place that is meaningful to me--and I will never forget your willingness to share my grief."
In fact, those who shed their tears with me show me we are not alone. It often feels like we are carrying this enormous load of sorrow, and when others shed their tears with me, it is as if they are taking a bucketful of sadness and carrying it for me. It is, perhaps, the most meaningful thing anyone can do for me.
Our culture wants to put the Band-Aid of Heaven on the hurt of losing someone we love. Sometimes it seems like the people around us think that because we know the one we love is in Heaven, we shouldn't be sad. But they don't understand how far away Heaven feels, and how long the future seems as we see before us the years we have to spend on this earth before we see the one we love again.
Fortunately, we are not alone in our sadness. In Isaiah 53:3, the Bible describes God's Son as "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" (NKJV). And so it is in our sadness that we discover a new aspect of God's character and reach a new understanding of Him that we could not have known without loss. He is acquainted with grief. He understands. He is not trying to rush us through our sadness. He is sad with us.
Part of being human is that when you lose something or someone that is valuable to you, you agonize over that loss, and there is nothing wrong with that. Your tears do not reflect a lack of faith.
"And though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm!!!"
