Just Some Frustrations ...

I have been a believer 27 years and have been really following Christ for about 16 of them; married to a pastor for 13 of them; struggled through infertility for 6 of them; grieved over my daughter for almost 4 of them, and struggled with secondary infertility for another 3 of them. I have learned that we don't always get what we want. We ask God and sometimes He says yes, sometimes He says no, and sometimes He says not yet. I now find myself in a place of frustration with the arrogance of believers who just "know" God is going to do this or that for them (or for someone they are praying for) and I have come to an almost complete intolerance for it to the point where I cannot stand to be around most of them. I feel like I am going to scream when I hear people say that they just know that "God would never let that happen to me" (or the person they are praying for) or that somehow if something bad happens, the person didn't pray enough or somehow failed when the truth is that God does let bad things happen. He doesn't allow it because He's mean or wants to hurt us, but He does allow it. He sees the beginning and the end and He never allows something bad to happen that can't be used for tremendous good in our life or in the lives of others. And sometimes it is to change the entire course of our life (i.e. this website wouldn't exist if it weren't for Joanne and her sweet baby girl Cheyenne). But why do they think they are entitled to a happy ending? None of us is entitled to that. We are taught time and time again (in the Bible) that the path includes sorrow and suffering and that we are to take up our cross and follow Him. Some crosses are heavier than others and we are called to help carry those. I don't understand the mentality of the western church (or, I should say American church) when people are suffering around the world and even in our own country. People are dying and being tortured for their faith. People lose loved ones every day. Cancer kills. Soldiers die in war. Accidents happen. People grieve. Where do these people who believe they deserve their happy ending get their theology? Am I cursed or not a good Christian because my child died? Or because I believe that sorrow and suffering could possibly be part of God's plan for me? My neighbor died of cancer this summer. She was my friend. I prayed for her and believed for her healing, but God said no. I don't understand why she had to die. She was only 44. I shared my heart on this at my church group recently by sharing some of my grief blogs after being asked to bring something that would show the others who I am. I wanted to convey my heart for the grieving and suffering and how I have learned to die to my dreams and embrace God's dreams for me instead. That means that I will not get to raise my daughter on this earth or have anymore birth children. It also means that caring for grieving people has become my passion. I believe I was created for it. My whole life I was surrounded by grieving and suffering people and I have always had a deep compassion for them. My best friend lost her father when she was 17 and her mother when she was 23. I walked through the valley with her and somehow knew that I was just supposed to be there and let her cry. I didn't realize this was my path, however, until my daughter died. Now I can see how God has worked in my life to bring me to this place where being drawn to the suffering has purpose for me and I'm trying to figure out how He wants me to use it. To my shock and surprise, I was met with a comment that maybe I didn't really care about grieving people as much as I thought but that maybe I am actually just grieving myself because fall is here and my daughter's birthday is coming. I was basically discredited by my grief instead of being seen as having learned something valuable from my experience. I really believe that I have learned something of great value that most believers will never experience. That God loves us so much that He even grieves with us. What hurts us matters to Him, too. And that it should grieve us when someone we know is grieving, not just to bring over a chicken casserole and our duty is done. The Bible says to "mourn with those who mourn." I am constantly quoting James 1:27 which says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." My biggest lesson is that true religion is to care for the grieving. After all, what is a widow or an orphan? I don't think that statement excludes grieving parents. I believe it includes them and all that are suffering around us. My sister and I are working together to build a place called, "Hope's Lodge." It make take years, but it is a dream that was born out of our mutual grief so that people would have a safe place to go where they can grieve away from the harsh world and it's demands to return to "normal." I know from my Bible and my experience that God cares passionately about this yet everywhere I turn I see people who are distorting Scripture and making it about getting what they want, achieving their dreams, having the right attitude, etc. (prosperity gospel) instead about loving the people around us with a love that is real and not superficial or self-serving? How can I convey this without sounding bitter or resentful? I am not bitter, I am just tired of Christians who don't get it and won't listen. It is time for the body of Christ to step up and do what we are supposed to do. No wonder the world hates us. We don't have a clue what it is to be like Jesus.