Dear Zach,
One year ago my dream of having another biological child died with you. I know I have not paid attention to you like I did to Abby when she died. I guess it was too painful to mourn another loss. I just wanted life to return to normal. To feel whole again. It hurt so much to spend all those months trying and trying to get pregnant only to lose another baby. But I want to acknowledge you today and let you know that I do remember you, I do love you and that I wanted you every bit as much as I wanted your big brother and sister. I feel guilty for not doing things to remember you like I do with Abby. Abby was here. I saw her. I held her. I kissed her. I touched her. Your existence just seems like a dream. You were only in my womb for a brief moment, but in that moment you gave me so much hope. I will never forget all the ways that God showed me that, even though it was a painful time for me, His hand was still on my life. From the dream that I would have a son named Zach to your big brother naming you, not knowing that was already your name in my heart. I couldn't believe we didn't get to keep you. It hurt so much. I will always remember that you are mine and that one day I will see your tiny face, hold you, kiss you and hug you, like I did your big sister. And our family chain will never again be broken. Until that day, June 24 will always remind me of you and what could have been. I love you sweet son.
Love,
Mommy
