Benjamin

Benjamin, did something that caught me off guard last weekend. As I was putting him to bed on Friday night, he pulled up my shirt, hugged and kissed my belly and said "I love you baby Abby!" like he always did every night when I was still pregnant. It broke my heart all over again and I just cried my eyes out. I had to explain all over again that she is not in mommy's tummy anymore and that she went to Heaven to live with Jesus. I thought he got it, but he did it AGAIN on Saturday when I went to put him down for his nap! He hasn't done this even once since the week after the funeral and I couldn't figure out why all of a sudden he's started doing it again. I told him that while there is no baby in mommy's tummy now, he could pray and ask God to send us another baby that we can keep this time. I also described Heaven in more detail and even went into explaining what and where Heaven is, to the best of my ability and to the extent I think he can understand. I also ordered the book, "We Were Going To Have A Baby But Had An Angel Instead" from amazon. com and I'm praying it will help him understand (he started to do the tummy thing again the next night, but I stopped him and reminded him again that she is in Heaven). Hopefully some repetition combined with the book (visuals) will do the trick. It was sweet, though, because he prayed that God would send us another baby soon. Obviously it's been harder on me than it is on him (he was only 2 1/2 when she died ... almost 3 now), but I'm glad he is remembering her. I have her photo as the wallpaper on my computer and every time he sees it, he kisses the screen and says, "I love you baby Abby." It was just the kissing the tummy thing coming back after all these weeks that threw me for a loop. I really thought he understood since he stopped doing it after the funeral.