What would I be without you? You love me when I'm on the mountain top and when I'm in the pit. When I cannot lift my eyes, you are there. When I cannot hold my tongue, you are there. When I cannot find my way, you are there. When I have no prayer, you are there ... you are always there. You are my anchor, my hope, my life ...
You are my best friend. I don't deserve you. I can't believe you haven't left me. I don't deserve you. In all these years, I cannot imagine being with anyone else. You have loved me when I am wretched and unlovable. Did I say that I don't deserve you? You have seen the ugliest places in my soul and yet you love me. You have watched me come unglued. You have walked through the darkest places in my heart with me. I have never met anyone like you or felt love that was so unconditional. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you with all my heart. Always.
You are the only friend I have ever had in my life that has let me be myself, 100% the real deal, the good, the bad and the ugly, all of it. I have never had reason for erecting a wall or shutting you out. You are the one safest person in my life. No expectations, no confrontations, just love. I am so glad you came back. I don't know how I made it through all those years without you. I know you missed me, but I am convinced that I missed you more. And I'll stand by you, too ...
Where are you? I am heartbroken that you have been gone all this time. Why did you go? It is the hour of my need and yet you are gone? What did I do? I was there when your dad died, when your mom died, when your mom's best friend died, at the courthouse on the day of your divorce, and yet you abandoned me when I needed you most. Why? I don't understand.
I can't believe how you have changed. I am amazed! I hope it is for real and doesn't go away. But I'm not letting myself get too close because it could go back to the way it was at any minute. I have longed for you to be the person I have always needed. Slowly I see that person emerging, but I'm not sure if I can trust you yet. I have needed you so much. And for so long. My heart has been aching for your love. It feels so good to finally have it. And slowly I'm learning to trust you again. If I should ...
I wish you could let your guard down and be real with me. You don't always have to be a spiritual example. You know I look up to you you and always have. But for once it would be nice if you were just my friend. I wish you could just say how you really feel. I don't need to hear anything but your heart. I need your heart so much right now, yet you withhold it from me. You know how much I love you, there is no reason to be afraid. Please let your heart hang out with me. You are safe here.
Thank you for understanding. Thank you for no expectations. Thank you for grace. Thank you for proving that things are different now. And for asking. And for saying you're sorry. And for loving us through this.
You would think I would know what to say to you, but I don't. I don't know how to comfort you. I don't know if it's even possible. But I do know that I love you and I'm here for you, that I cry with you, that I hurt with you, that I wish I could take it all away and make it better. How I wish I could make it all better ... but I'm thankful we have eachother.
Thank you for waiting. Please wait. It's going to take time. I need time.
I feel your pain, that aching in your heart, that longing to know ... I wish I could take it away. I want you to know that I know where he is, even if you don't. I know because that is where she is, too. I pray that you will one day be able to believe that and you will find peace. I know how much you need to know ...
You are doing the right thing. Never forget that. You have done everything you can and now it's time to step back. You are doing the right thing! Don't let them trick you into thinking you are the bad guy. You are not the bad guy! I am so glad you are back in my life.
I am so glad I met you. You give everything meaning. You give everything purpose. You are the reason I can go on. You give me hope. Please don't stop!
I am so thankful for you. You make me laugh. You make me cry. You give me hope. Thank you for helping me feel normal when I feel like I'm just going crazy! Thanks for letting me talk about things that would otherwise make me blush!!! Thank you for being real.
It has been a long 11 years. I have longed and waited for this moment. I can see it's going to take time, but it's happening right before my eyes! I grieved our friendship for so long. A part of my heart was torn out that day. I can't explain it. You were the best friend I have ever had, before or since. I have never been the same since it happened and I know you haven't either. I have never been able to get as close, to trust as much. Thank you for forgiving me. If I had it to do over, I would have done it a lot differently, but it is what it is. I love you so much. I don't think you will ever understand just how much.
I am so proud of you. Look at you! Just look! You are so beautiful ... like a flower in bloom. I am bursting with pride as if you were my own! Each one of you ...
You are the only little girl I've ever had, even though you weren't mine. I was reminded of that after she died. You were my little girl, too. And now you are all grown up. I wish I could spend more time with you. I don't think you know how special you are to me. How much I love and adore you. I want to stay close to you, to be there for you always. Please know that and don't ever be afraid to talk to me. I love you and I will always, always be here for you, no matter what.
I don't think you know me as well as you think you do. That's my fault. I never really trusted you. I never really let my guard down. Only just a little, and then maybe a little more ... but never all the way. I am not who you think I am. I am someone completely different, really. You just never let me show you the real me. You always gave me a reason to question whether I was really safe with you. I hope someday I will feel safe. And I hope someday we can really know each other. This time without walls.
I don't know why I always tear you down. I don't know why I can't just love you the way you are. I don't know why. I wish I wasn't so frustrated all the time. I wish I wouldn't get so angry. I wish I could control my tongue. But it gets away from me and it's too late. But you still love me anyway. Please know how much I love you and I'm sorry. I love you so much.
What I wouldn't give to have one more moment with you. To look into your eyes. To hear you breathe. To touch your skin. To feel your warmth. I wish I could remember. I wish I could change so many things. I wish I could just accept that you are gone. I wish it didn't hurt so much.
I thank God for you. I want to spend every moment with you. I don't want to miss a thing. I wish I could slow down time so it wouldn't go so fast. I am so proud of you. I adore you. I can't imagine life without you. You are my sunshine and you will always be mine.
Thank you. You have given me a gift that I will treasure forever. I have never been good at receiving. So all I can say is thank you. I love you.
That's about all my heart can handle for one night ...
