Jealous For Heaven

My husband's grandmother just celebrated her 91st birthday this week. Last night we went out to dinner with her and the extended family. As I sat next to her and her 95 year old best friend, I found myself feeling jealous!? I was jealous that they are at the end of their lives and very close to going to heaven ... that they know where they are going and all they have left to do is look forward to eternity. I am only 36 and have my whole life still ahead of me without my daughter. I know life is a blink in the light of eternity, but I can't help but feel that there will always be this empty hole in my heart where my daughter should be. I have peace in knowing she is with Jesus, but I still miss her every day and wish she was here, growing up with my son and living with us. I long for heaven (not in a suicidal way, just in a "want to get through this life and get there way," kwim?). I don't know what our future holds ... if or when we will have more children (we have been trying for six months and have a history of infertility) ... and it feels like it's never going to happen. I believe it will, but I am just feeling weary and ready for hope to show it's face ... it's been almost 9 months since I've held my daughter and I like to think that I am 9 months closer to holding her again. So I guess I'm just a little jealous of the old people who are closer to that reality than I am, as weird as that may sound!!!